-INVENTOR OF THE SLIME THAT CAN CLEAN ANYTHING™ 

-NOBEL PRIZE WINNER 2006 FOR MY CONTRIBUTIONS IN GOO TECHNOLOGY

-AUTHOR OF NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER "15 AIKIDO MOVES TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST THE NEFARIOUS NECROMANCER"

-AS SEEN ON R/GOONCAVES TOP POSTS OF ALL TIME

-ONCE KILLED A JAYWALKER WITH MY THOUGHTS

-COLLECTOR OF VARIOUS TOMES AND BAUBLES

-SPOON (dope)